14 de jul. de 2009

Mistérios da TPM (ou 'entenda por que os gays se proliferam')

10 PALAVRAS/EXPRESSÕES que você deve decodificar para entender o que se passa com sua mulher/noiva/namorada/ficante/peguete quando ela está prestes a fazer sala praquela visita indesejável:


1.Certo?
Esta é a palavra clássica que as mulheres usam para encerrar uma discussão quando elas estão certas e você precisa recolher-se à sua insignificância.

2. 5 minutos, sim?
Se ela está se arrumando, significa meia hora. 5 minutos só são cinco minutos se esse for o prazo que ela te deu para ver o futebol antes de ajudar nas tarefas domésticas.

3. Nada.
Esta é a calmaria antes da tempestade. Significa que 'algo' está acontecendo (CABRUUMM!!!), e que você deve ficar bem atento. Discussões que começam em 'nada' normalmente terminam em 'certo?'

4. Você que sabe.
Cuidado, isso é uma armadilha, e não uma permissão. Ela está te desafiando, e nessa hora você tem que saber o que ela quer. E AI de você se disser que também não sabe!

5. Suspiro alto (quase uma bufada)
Declaração não-verbal que frequentemente confunde os homens. Via de regra, um suspiro alto significa que ela pensa que você é um idiota enquanto imagina por que diabos ela está perdendo tempo parada ali discutindo com você sobre nada.

6. Obrigada.
Se ela está agradecendo, não questione, nem desmaie. Apenas diga: 'por nada, meu amor'. Uma colocação deveras oportuna: se ela disser MUITO obrigada, saiba que isso é sarcasmo genuíno, e na verdade ela não está agradecendo porra nenhuma. Nesse caso, finja que não ouviu. Se disser o 'por nada, meu amor', isso poderá acarretar no temido 'esquece'.

7. Esquece.
Tradução literal e contida para o 'foda-se!!!'

8. Deixa pra lá. EU resolvo!
Outra expressão ensaboada e perigosa. Implica que a mulher disse várias vezes para o cidadão fazer algo, mas agora resolveu assumir ela mesma. Isso resultará no homem perguntando: 'mas o que aconteceu?' A resposta você encontra no item 3.

9. Precisamos conversar.
Bicho: Fo-deu! Prepare as oreba, porque você está prestes a levar um pé na bunda.

10. Sabe, eu estive pensando...
Hummmm.... Lendo assim parece inofensivo, né? Mas te prepara negão: em 99% dos casos essa inocente expressão precede os Quatro Cavaleiros do Apocalipse.



*Post baseado em email enviado por Anita Apocalipse.




29 comentários:

Ana disse...

Começo a desconfiar que celibato é o caminho, my friend.

Nathália Rodrigues disse...

Sensacionaaal! Eu falo tudo isso. E mais um pouco.

Marianna Abdo disse...

Muitooooooo bom!!! Eu uso mais o "esquece"!!! hahahah

Juliana disse...

Rê... é dificil comentar nesse troço!!!
Já até esqueci o que eu ia falar...

Beijos

Anônimo disse...

Suspiro alto (quase uma bufada)

hsuahsua
No meu caso, o suspiro alto é sim um indicio de uma bela bufada, seguida de um 'Bah' fervoroso...
E quem estiver pela minha frente neste momento, que comece a correr! =P

lol

Dari

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